Aunt Nettie, Uncle Abe, Aunt Ann,  August 2019

After some two years of covid induced societal panic and restraint, earlier this month my 91 year old Aunt Nettie again summoned her flock to a watermelon and roll kuchen gathering at her home in Kelowna. She’s been doing this each summer for at least a dozen years. I sense in her an understanding that family connections are vital to our well being and if no one makes the effort, this large family will fracture. Then we’ll all spin off in different directions. In each case, our parents are gone and we can no longer look to them to hold the family together. Aunt Nettie seems to grasp intuitively that there is a void and someone needs to lead the way. Like a mother hen calling her chicks to safety under her wings, once a year she stretches out her arms and beckons us to come home.

This is primarily a cousins event. She does another for her children and legions of grandchildren and great grandchildren. Because of the popularity of the gathering, we sit on lawn chairs in her spacious carport.

Some years ago at such an event I became conscious of the distinctive rumbling of an approaching Harley Davidson. I was surprised when the impressive machine turned into Aunt Nettie’s driveway and a young indigenous woman disembarked. She removed her helmet and we realized it was Andrea, one of Aunt Nettie’s foster daughters. She had come from Clearwater. Most of us had not seen her since she was a child. Then her sister Jean and her children also arrived. Being re-acquainted with them was a highlight. Linda and I arranged a further visit with Andrea at our home, which was in Abbotsford at that time.

When my sisters and I were young, special occasions like Christmas and Easter were celebrated in the home of our grandparents. After they passed on, we had smaller gatherings in the home of our parents. These times strengthened family relationships and enabled our children to understand they were part of a larger family.

Now our extended family is scattered across Canada and the U.S. Aunt Netties’s cousins gathering holds some of us together. In spite of her advanced age, many of us see her as the centre. Her hands no longer have the strength to roll out the dough for the roll kuchen (similar to dough boys), so several of the cousins come early to help.

Over the years we’ve been reminded that these gatherings are not to be taken for granted. We’ve already lost Aunt Mary, who used to arrive from Steinbach with a happy smile and sense of humour. To her this family was precious and important. We lost her a few years ago. Uncle Abe, whose voice and mobility had been taken by a stroke, passed on about two years ago. His warm handshake always conveyed his love for the family. Aunt Ann, who will turn 98 next month, used to come but now no longer ventures far from her home in Smithers. We miss her carefree laughter.

We sometimes wonder what will happen when our plucky, visionary aunt is no longer able to muster the will and stamina to hold this family together. One of us will need to call up the resolve to accept the torch she has carried for many years.