Famed comic Woody Allen once said, “I’m not afraid of dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” Many of us can relate to these words. Thoughts of dying tend to induce queasy emotions in the depth of our being. But not for everyone. In a 3 hour conversation over coffee with Shirley Grant of Hedley, I was surprised at her upbeat perspective on this subject. A registered Death Doula, (helper), she accompanies dying individuals in this uncharted, often frightening last phase of their life journey.

She comes with an interesting perspective as she assists people in their approach to the “end zone” of life. “I see death as a sacred passage,” she said. “It’s not a medical event. It’s a natural event. We need to bring dignity to it.”

Shirley worked as a care aide in a facility for 10 years, until her back wore out. Attending to her dying sister, Linda, pointed her toward what she is doing now with palliative care patients. “Linda didn’t need just a pat on the back and some reassuring words,” she said. “When her cancer returned, she knew her remaining time was short.”

Wanting to give her sister an opportunity to express the deep emotions brought on by cancer she asked, “how do you feel knowing you have only about a year to live?” It was the beginning of a deep commitment. “Every time she became restless I’d embrace her. I’d sing and pray. I gave her my word I’d hold her hand at the end.”

This time with Linda helped Shirley understand the need of dying persons to have someone at their bedside in these lonely days, when each breath may be their last. Wanting to assist others, she travelled to Colorado and took the training to become a Death Doula. She now works primarily in assisted living facilities and care homes, mostly in Penticton. Usually she is hired by the patient’s family.

Listening to Shirley, I concluded she is intuitive, compassionate and innovative. She frequently uses vision mapping to help the patient wrap up unresolved areas of their lives. This may include dealing with banking, a mortgage, relationships, unfulfilled desires, and other important issues.

One morning she entered Helen’s room, a woman with a reputation for being rude to staff. “Just put me in a wheelchair and push me over a cliff,” Helen demanded without preamble. Undaunted by the brusque tone Shirley asked, “What else would you like me to do for you?” Helen had a ready reply and her sour mood quickly dissipated. “I’ve always loved the drive around Skaha Lake, but I know that’s not possible.”

Shirley took Helen’s hand and said enthusiastically, “This is your lucky day! Close your eyes and we’ll do it in our imagination. I’ll drive and you tell me what you see and hear.” Uplifted by Shirley’s positive spirit, Helen closed her eyes and began describing what she saw. Later a care aide asked Shirley, “What did you do? She fell asleep and didn’t wake every hour.” That night having been granted her ultimate wish, Helen passed away while sleeping peacefully.

Dorothy’s ultimate wish in her last days was to attend an Elvis concert. The renowned singer was long gone, but Shirley was thrilled when a co-worker located an Elvis impersonator and arranged a private concert for Dorothy, her family and caregivers. “It put a smile on her face and gave her a lot of joy in the closing hours of her life.”

“Sometimes when a family is distressed I can explain things,” Shirley said. “When Emma was in her last hours her daughter, Sandy, wanted to be there when she passed away. She needed to leave the room for something though and while she was gone, Emma ceased breathing. Upon returning, Sandy was distraught. I explained that her mother had chosen this moment because she didn’t want her daughter to carry the memory of seeing her die.”

At times families need counsel to make wise decisions. In one case Shirley advised the family to move their mother from the hospital and return her to the facility she considered home. “That way she can live her last days in a place that is familiar and comfortable to her,” she told them.

Shirley’s joyous spirit is contagious. After our lengthy conversation, I thought even Woody Allen’s anxieties might be quieted if she was at his bedside in his last days.