Writing in the Wall Street Journal, U.S. Senator (Rep.) Ben Sasse pointed to a societal phenomenon many of us may have been too preoccupied to notice. He suggested “all the traditional tribes that have sustained humans for millennia are simultaneously in collapse. Family, enduring friendships, meaningful shared work, local communities of worship, all have grown ever thinner.” Other commentators, both in Canada and the U.S., have expressed a similar concern. Certainly the various media do reflect a lessening of social cohesion and we might wonder if we can do anything more than wring our hands and retreat into a state of denial and malaise.
My 88 year old Aunt Nettie, a resident of Kelowna, apparently does not intend to surrender to the subversive forces undermining our values and institutions. Every summer, for at least twelve years she has invited her nieces and nephews to her home for roll kuchen ( rolled dough cut into strips and deep fried) and watermelon, as well as other goodies. Aunt Nettie harbours no illusions about reforming and holding together the structures of our nation. She’s a plucky lady of immense resolve though, and understands the importance of cinching up family bonds. Last week she again prepared many dozens of roll kuchen. Although we knew from past years there would be no beer, wine, whiskey or other alcoholic beverages, she had no difficulty enticing eager relatives to the feast.
For some years, four of Aunt Nettie’s aging siblings attended. This has connected us with the foregoing generation. At this time, two are still living, but only 93 year old Uncle Abe was able to come. He has completely lost the ability to speak, but still values the time with family.
For Linda and me, these yearly Kelowna gatherings are an opportunity to strengthen relationships with cousins, and at times meet family members we scarcely know. We sit on lawn chairs placed around the interior of her carport. Young children play contentedly in our midst and on the back lawn.
A few years ago Aunt Nettie’s Metis foster daughter, Andrea, surprised us when she rolled in from Clearwater on her Harley. Wanting to get to know this cousin I had not spoken with previously, I quickly slipped into the vacant chair beside her. She intrigued me with snippets of a pretty adventurous life.
This year I again chatted with Erika, a young teen who raises chickens. It was a continuation of a conversation we had begun several years ago. Having had chickens in our back yard in the past, I enjoy her enthusiasm for the birds. “I got 12 chicks in spring,” she said. “I named each one after a type of tree.” Sensing her excitement, I remembered the warm brown eggs I used to gather each morning. Chats with Erika always cause me to wonder why I don’t still have chickens.
After talking with Erika I glanced around the carport and my attention was captured by a young girl with black hair. About age 3, she ran among us with boundless energy. She seemed happy and content, and totally secure. I marveled at the atmosphere in this place. There was no disagreement or bickering, even among the children.
Watching Aunt Nettie now in conversation with Uncle Abe, her hand resting on his arm, my mind drifted back a dozen years to the beginning of his health crisis. When she learned her brother wasn’t well and needed to be rescued from the basement suite in Langley where he lived alone, she took decisive action. She drove from her home in Kelowna, emptied and cleaned his unit, then took him to her home. She looked after him until his condition necessitated a higher level of care. Even now, although he cannot speak, she visits him each Sunday. For us, the next generation, she is a role model exemplifying the meaning of commitment to family.
After the Kelowna gathering, it occurred to me we’re pretty fortunate to have a family member with the vision and will necessary to pull together this large flock. Families are the basic building blocks of our society. If more of us become willing to be proactive role models, we may yet be able to thwart at least some of the corroding forces in our country. Roll kuchen may not be essential. With will and imagination, one individual can be the catalyst required for holding a family together.
