Monthly Archives: February 2019

People

The Heartache of Child Abduction

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Jamie with her young children.

A recent telephone conversation with a young man gave me some understanding of the profound mental and emotional trauma experienced by internationally abducted children. Karim was 6 and his sister was 9 when their father abducted them to Saudi Arabia. “He told us we would not be going home,” Karim said, “and we would never see our mom again. He told us our mom didn’t want us anymore and she had sold us to him for a car. There were many lies.”

Saudi Arabia is not a member of the Hague Convention.

For Karim it was the beginning of a psychological and emotional nightmare. Now 34, he is still haunted by memories of the 7 years away from his mother, friends and all that was familiar to +him “It ruined my life,” he said. “I was in a country where I didn’t know people, attending an Arabic school. Before the abduction, I had been diagnosed with dyslexia. The school system didn’t deal with that. My reading and writing were poor. The teachers slapped me and told me I was dumb. The other kids harassed me because I was a foreigner. I got into a lot of fights. I was put in a different school every year.”

Kamir, before he was abducted.

As happens frequently in cases of abduction, Karim’s father wanted to turn him and his sister against their mother. “Your mother is a terrible person,” he told them. “I’m doing this for you guys to keep you safe, to give you a better life.”

According to Child Abduction Recovery International, “fostering parental alienation is the number one tool abductors use against the left behind parent. They do this by creating irrational fear of the other parent, and building up resentment. They discourage or don’t permit contact. Their goal is to eradicate the other parent from the child’s life.”

In a separate conversation, Karim’s mother, Jamie said, “I agreed to let their father take them on a safari in Kenya. It didn’t occur to me he would abduct them to Saudi Arabia. He signed documents with my lawyer and promised he’d call me everyday. It all meant nothing. In Saudi Arabia our laws have no power and women have no rights.”

Many mothers of abducted children never see them again. Karim and his sister were returned to Canada only because their father was unhappy and frustrated. Not being a Saudi citizen, he had few rights and struggled financially. Before their return to Canada, using a Canadian lawyer he demanded many concessions from Jamie including full custody, the dropping of kidnapping charges, and no media at the airport.

“My lawyer told me if I ever wanted to see my children again, I’d have to accept all the demands” Jamie said. “I agreed to everything just to get my children back. When I first saw them at the airport I was so overwhelmed with emotion, I collapsed.” “Don’t worry mom,” Karim said. “We’re home now.” Karim lived with his father at first but then came to her.

Writing on the Ontario Law blog, Lynn Kirwin paints a troubling picture of what can be experienced when a child has been subjected to programming designed to alienate them from a parent. “Children coming out of this experience are likely to suffer depression, loss of self-esteem, self hatred, guilt, poor interpersonal relationships, a distorted view of reality and self-doubt.”

Life for Karim since returning to Canada has continued to be difficult. “I still don’t read or write well,” he said. “I hide this but it’s something I struggle with every day. In spite of some tutoring and counseling, I feel I’m behind others my age.”

“I’m still pretty broken today,” he continued. “I shut down when things go badly. I blame my dad for this, for caring only about his future, not mine. He ruined my life.”

Karim’s sister doesn’t want her past known. Even her children, in-laws, and friends know nothing of the 7 years in Saudi Arabia. She denies it was a bad time.

For Karim and Jamie, the seven lost years are still a source of deep disquiet, but they have courageously persevered in restoring their relationship and rebuilding their lives. Karim has obtained vocational training at BCIT and finds his employment satisfying. They hope by telling their story they will persuade young women to ponder seriously and not recklessly plunge into a relationship that could bring tears, not joy. It is their fervent desire to spare others the heartache of child abduction.

Hedley Times, Inspiration, People

Will Hitching Post Restaurant Rise From Ashes?

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Trisha Mills & Bill Carmichael, before the fire.

When science fiction writer Ray Bradley said, “first you jump off the cliff, then you develop wings on the way down,” he could have had Trisha Mills and Bill Carmichael in mind. For them, purchasing the Hitching Post restaurant in Hedley last June marked the end of one chapter of their lives and the beginning of a new, unexpectedly uncertain one. The iconic restaurant burned to the ground one night and they had to jump from the second floor into a void of smoke and darkness. In two extended phone conversations with Bill and Trisha, Linda and I had an opportunity to look into their past and also explore the impact of the fire on their health, thinking, and future plans.

“We met online,” Trisha told us at the outset. “We were both looking for people who enjoy outdoor activities, When we connected, it was as friends initially. Our relationship really came together 8 years ago.”

Bill grew up on the family’s 100 acre ranch near Darfield, a tiny community about 50 miles north of Kamloops. “My Dad worked away a lot,” he said. “I helped with tending our chickens, sheep and cattle, including at birthing time. I also fixed and moved sprinklers on the hay field. At age 12 I studied a book on welding and went out to my Dad’s shop and learned to weld. On the side I fixed bicycles and lawnmowers. Even at that age I enjoyed reading technical manuals or the Princess Auto catalogue.”

He went on to take a motorcycle mechanics course, and subsequently attended BCIT where he became a millwright. Lafarge Canada hired him and assigned him to its Kamloops maintenance crew. In time, the company made him a maintenance and planning inspector. In this position, he travelled to Lafarge plants in other countries.

Trisha’s stepfather became ill and died when she was 9. “It was a trying time for Mom,” she recalled “We moved a lot and I needed to become more independent. Moving from Vancouver to Vancouver Island was a culture shock. Since then I’ve mostly lived in small communities.” She went on to run a restaurant. Then, wanting to be at home with her 2 children, she operated a licensed daycare for 10 years. Five years ago, after attaining a certificate in office administration at the Thompson Rivers University, she began forging a new career with a security company.

In 2014, Bill’s motorcycle accident brought radical change. “I was travelling at 100 kmh when a buck with 6 inch spikes came up from the river. I caught the deer in my chest and its face was in my face. I was able to park the bike without crashing it, probably because I’m pretty stubborn.” His left arm was shattered and his heart stopped, but he remained alive.

The injury ended his career as a millwright and they needed a new plan. Bill attended courses offered by Community Futures in Penticton. When Viktoria Braat of Hedley told them The Hitching Post restaurant was for sale, they investigated its potential and made the decision to buy it.

As has been extensively reported in the media, four months later at about 2 am on October 23rd of last year, a raging fire engulfed the restaurant. By leaping into the smoke and darkness they saved their lives, but sustained serious injuries.

Trisha & Bill, standing in front of their wheelchairs.

Now in Kamloops for medical attention and therapy, they are both still largely dependent on wheelchairs for mobility. Bill is able to walk limited distances with crutches and looks forward to using the walking stick he has carved. Trisha’s injuries are more complex. She uses a walker for balance and physio. Her open wounds are healing. The extent of nerve damage to her back will be assessed at the end of the month.

Banner on the security fence surrounding the lot where the Hitching Post Restaurant was located.

In spite of this huge setback, both are surprisingly upbeat. They are grateful for the considerable financial support received from the Hedley community and others. Also, for visits to Bill when he was in the Penticton hospital.

Will they rebuild the restaurant? “It will depend on our mobility,” Trisha said. “We miss the peace and quiet of Hedley and want to come back.”

“There’s a lot to consider,” Bill added. “We hope to rebuild, but we won’t be able to recreate the Hitching Post experience. Whatever happens, we’re in it together. Our situation isn’t insurmountable. We’re taking small steps toward a strong future.”

People

Help Bring Mia & Liam Back

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Liam & Mia

Linda & I have sent the note below to Prime Minister Trudeau, requesting he personally intervene to bring Mia and Liam, children of Abbotsford mom Shelley Beyak, back to Canada. They were abducted to Lebanon last March by their father. A government spokesperson  said Shelley  has been given consular support.

We ask readers to write the Prime Minister to urgently request his intervention, email ( pm@pm.gc.ca).  For more information, click The Curse Of International Child Abductions

Right Honourable Justin Trudeau

Dear Prime Minister,

I was very pleased when I heard you say recently, “Canada is always ready to stand up for the rights of women around the world.” Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland has said, “We have a record of supporting human rights.”

I was impressed when you very quickly agreed to provide a national home for Rahah Mohammed al-Qunun, the young woman who escaped from Saudi Arabia. Your government has also aggressively sought the release of Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor, the two Canadians arrested and detained in China.

My purpose in writing you is to draw your attention to the plight of Canadian children who are the victims of parental international abductions. In many instances it is the father of the children who has taken them without the agreement of the mother. In some countries the children have been taken to women have few, if any, rights. One such case currently in the news is that of Mia and Liam, the children of Abbotsford resident, Shelley Beyak. They were abducted to Lebanon in March 2018 by their father, Wissam Tarabichi, who has Lebanese and Canadian citizenship.

Shelley is currently in Lebanon, seeking to at least maintain her relationship with her children, and hoping to secure their return to Canada. Shelley’s objective is to bring a win/win resolution to this desperate circumstance.

Your words suggest a firm commitment on the part of your government to stand by women and children who have no power to advocate for their rights or to defend themselves. I therefore request that you intervene personally in this case to ensure the quick return to Canada of Mia and Liam.

I look forward to hearing what your government is doing in response to this situation.

Respectfully yours,

Art Martens

 

Inspiration, People

The Rest Of The Story

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Cindy Regier

Famed American broadcaster Paul Harvey always ended his news cast with the words, “and now you know the rest of the story.” After I recently wrote about Terry and Cindy Regier’s battle to rebuild their lives following his life threatening aneurysm, their son Jacob said, “Dad told a great story, but he missed 80 percent.” Hearing Cindy’s version subsequently, I felt obligated to follow in Paul Harvey’s footsteps.

“Terry was a big strong man,” Cindy began. “His position as foreman on a railroad section gang required hard physical work. He was 28 and I was 26. We already had 2 sons, three year old Jesse and three week old Jacob. When I received a call telling me he had collapsed on the job and the doctors didn’t know what was wrong, I was scared out of my tree. His boss gave me a ride to Calgary in his pick-up. I left Jesse with our good friends and took along my newborn.”

Terry was in a Calgary hospital for 2 months, then after 6 weeks at home was returned to the hospital for brain surgery. Blood was getting into his brain. He had lost his balance, coordination and memory. “He didn’t recognize me or our 2 sons. Three times they called me to come in because they said he might not survive this one. There were a lot of tears.”

Terry and Cindy’s dream was to own a farm and they had just made an offer on a quarter section north of Edmonton. “When the lawyer came to the hospital with the paperwork, Terry could sign it only with an X.”

We lost friends. “Some people didn’t believe Terry would ever recover. They urged me to leave him. Social services would help financially only if I divorced him and sold the farm. I wouldn’t consider that.” While Terry was still in the ICU, the doctors told her he might never be able to function on his own again and she should check out other care options. She followed their advice but decided this would hinder his recovery.

“I couldn’t accept that Terry didn’t remember me or the boys,” she said. “One day I told the nurses in ICU I wanted them to have him sitting in a chair when I came in. I dressed up the way I had when we were still dating and going to dances. The nurses were upset when I brought the boys into the ICU, but I insisted. I wanted to spur him on.”

She placed Jesse on Terry’s knee but the child sensed something wasn’t the same about his father. She then helped Terry hold Jacob. “I watched his face and a light came on in his eyes. He seemed to realize he had reason to move ahead.”

Their circumstances continued to be bleak. “We lived on $500 a month. Local Ukrainian ladies taught me how to make cottage cheese. I sold it and also cream. The farm provided meat, eggs, vegetables and milk.”

Terry became very depressed when they sent him home. His father had taught his sons to be independent. Now he was in a wheelchair. He had to start over.

There were some rays of hope. Cindy was encouraged by a plaque in the home of Terry’s mother. It said, “Put a little fence around today. God will help you with today. Don’t worry about tomorrow.”

Her grandmother was a huge source of strength. “She got married at age 16 and bore 11 children. They homesteaded in Manitoba in the horse and buggy days. She told me, ‘You married a good man and he’s still a good man. Straighten your spine.’ She called and visited me often. Her support and my faith helped me get through this time.”

Terry had a strong will. When he saw Jacob roll over for the first time, he said, “before this boy crawls, I will be walking.” In time, with unrelenting perseverance he regained his ability to walk. Cindy became equally gritty, holding the family together, encouraging Terry, helping with the farm work and embarking on a nursing career.

Cindy & Terry Regier

Except for a black pirate’s patch over one eye to prevent double vision, Terry has largely recovered. Today he and Cindy are contributing members of the Hedley community. “The experience has made us stronger,” Cindy said, “especially in our marriage, family and faith.”

And now you know the rest of the story.